Augustus Constantine

Augustus Constantine (August 29, 1956 – August 25, 2015) was an English food critic and businessman who was a close friend of Mr Creosote in the 1990s early 2000s.

As a Food Critic
While studying journalism at University of Lincoln, Constantine began a weekly column of restaurant reviews in the student paper which was well received, despite the fact barely any students could afford to frequent the establishments mentioned. He became well known for his savage critiques of the middle to upper class customers who did, which eventually saw him barred from some eateries and earning him a reputation as a maverick on campus.

Though he didn't pursue journalism beyond his time at Lincoln, Constantine remained an avid diner of restaurant all around the UK, earning a reputation in the industry for his humour and reliable appearances at any notable openings. In 1990 he secured a column in a travellers magazine which he named 'The Businessman's Lunch', where he reviewed the meals he ate on his travels for his company Greene King. After this earned considerable attention Constantine began to secure articles in national newspapers such as The Times, in which he reviewed newly opened restaurants.

He lost reputation after continuously defending Mr Creosote's restaurant L'Elegant in the 2000s, and his last article in a major newspaper was in 2003.

In Business
Constantine inherited his father's position on the board of directors for the pub retailer and brewer Greene King in 1986, having previously studied at various universities for spells of 1 to 2 years at a time in a variety of subjects. After a bitter decade-long internal battle, he became CEO in 1995 and oversaw a series of major acquisitions, including the Magic Pub Company (1996), Hungry Horse (1996) and Morland Brewery (1999). He stepped down from the role of CEO in 1999 to focus on his new restaurant chain Constantine Dining, but continued to hold controlling shares in Greene King.

Constantine Dining quickly failed and was abandoned in 2003, which was likely due to its massive marketing budget bleeding the company's accounts dry as it filled the London underground with posters, well before any of its eateries had appeared. Constantine spent much effort trying to convince Creosote to allow the chain to takeover L'Elegant, which Creosote repeatedly refused.

Constantine attempted to re-take the position of CEO of Greene King in 2004, but was ousted by Rooney Anand, who would remain CEO until 2018.

Friendship with Mr Creosote
Constantine first met Creosote in 1989 in L'Elegance, and the two quickly bonded over their appreciation of the food. Throughout the 1990s Constantine visited Creosote for banquets and hunts at his Scottish manor. Creosote encouraged Constantine to take a more 'hands on' and 'sharkish' approach to his work, allegedly assisting in his seating as CEO of Greene King.

For his part, Constantine repeatedly urged Creosote to release a new album with his band, despite being uninterested in the music itself. The pair became somewhat distant in the later half of the 90s as Creosote embarked on the Break the World Tour from 1996 and Constantine orchestrated his company mergers.

Stories of how or when they became close later differ, but in 2002 Mr Creosote joked Constantine was overseeing his treatment for his 'conspicuous' alcoholism consumption, which involved replacing all his usual drinks with extra meals. This tactic led to a massive weight gain of around 150 pounds from 2002-5, and was later condemned by doctors and Creosote himself as 'downright dangerous'. However, the method did succeed in Creosote cutting down his drinking in order to complete Eggs On Top and Yesterday's Leftovahs.

The pair regularly dined together in L'Elegant, and Constantine sacrificed his reputation as a critic defending the eatery. He also helped promote its failed closing party, harassing his former business partners for donations. By 2005 Creosote increasingly disliked Constantine, who continued to discourage him for seeking proper treatment for his alcholism, instead pressuring him to consume more meals. The pair fell out over the closing of L'Elegant, as Constantine insisted the place remain open, repeatedly offering large sums to buy the place from Creosote. Finally, Constantine blamed the restaurant's failure on Creosote, despite having made many key suggestions over the last 5 years. This caused Creosote to cut communication with Constantine.

After Creosote
Constantine sold his shares in Greene King in 2011 and moved to Northern Ireland, where he opened several pubs, which were all forced to close due to his 'off-putting behaviour' and unwelcoming presence.

Creosote has rarely public addressed Constantine, but has never condemned him for his influence on his weight, stating in 2012, 'Yes, Augustus...who ah don't talk to much anymore, tried to help meh out with that stuff, but as silly as it was ah went along with it and think he meant well. Ah have actually had one doctor say on balance a case could be made that ah've been able to shake off that weight gain, but it saved meh 3 years liver damage which couldn't've repaired, so how's that for medical?'.

Creosote adopted a diet and exercise program in 2010 which saw him lose 260 pounds as of 2019, whereas Constantine continued to gain weight to his death of a heart attack in 2015 at age 59.