Operation Bilge

Operation Bilge was a codename for a Creosotian bombing operation in the final Jeremboah war, executed on 5th July 1895. On the morning of the 5th of July, 55 hot air balloons were sent across the channel, with the intent of bombing towns in Northern France, in order to assist a land invasion and demoralize the enemy. The balloons were supposed to eventually travel by wind into either Germany of Belgium, but most were blown deeper into France. The bombing was largely considered a failure and achieved little to no damage to French civilian areas.

The balloons were requisitioned from the popular Creosotian Ballooning Society, which had 50,000 members and was considered a national hobby at the time. Despite the boasts of 'a thousand flaming barrels of oil', the balloons were mostly loaded with bricks, stones and scraps of metal presumed to 'do some damage', which were to be thrown out of the basket by its occupants by hand. The operation's leader, one Air Captain McAvery, recounted his experience in a report to the President: "As we came over the town I said, 'here we are chaps, ready the payloads!', some thirty seconds after that we heard gunfire below, and actually saw the bullets whizz by. I urged calm but at least one balloon emptied all of their junk and all the remaining ballast, and began to ascend at an alarming rate. They then vanished into the sun and didn't return. In the panic I believe my vessel accidentally dropped some scrap metals on a balloon below us, causing a most terrible rupture in their fabric. Any laughter we had at the ensuing noises was dampened when they began to plummet downwards. Without hesitating, I expertly tied my handkerchief to our celebratory bottle of Veuve Clicquot, and sent it down after them, parachuted by the hankie. I'll be damned if my men go into French prisons without a good drink!"McAvery also listed estimated 'cattle fatalities', as he and his men had taken pot shots at animals in fields along the journey. Creosote himself was so embarrassed by the sight of 15 cows being listed as French military belligerents he had it expunged from the report. Furthermore, McAvery optimistically reckoned he had 'brought the town of Béthune to destruction', which was not evidenced at any point later in the war, instead the town was found to be unscathed, despite McAvery's 15,000 words to the contrary.

In all, 13 balloons were blown so far off-course that they never entered France, 16 went missing, 3 were confirmed downed and the remainder were abandoned by their crews when they landed. This immense cost, coupled with a furious backlash from the Ballooning Society, meant such an operation was never attempted again. McAvery's unbacked claims emerged to have been formed in a local pub with his cohort of aviation enthusiasts who were keen to persuade the government to support further adventures. He was sacked and further discredited after Béthune's pristine condition was discovered later that year.

Despite this, the bombing was thought of highly romantically by the Creosotian public, as symbolic of their nation's innovation and eccentric methods. Historical accounts of the operation were for a long time scathing, mostly on the basis of McAvery's fraudulent report, until a thesis from the University of York in 1979 alleged it had seriously wrecked several towns. It argued these damages had been wrongly attributed to the land campaigns of the Final Jeremboah War, but photographs and records from local government indicated many fires were caused by the elusive incendiary devices. This sparked a small debate over the operation's details and the involvement of incendiaries.